Your Health is an investment not an expence

The last few months have been so so hard for me physically and emotionally. I've been putting myself through a lot of unnecessary stress and pain which has been really really effecting me. If you've been reading my blog for a while you would know I used to have severe depression and anxiety. Obviously now i'm not that way at all, but there are still things that I find I have held on to from going through that.

I feel things so so deeply and inwardly which really makes me physically ill and lately I've been very very stressed literally about everything. I have been getting a lot of migraines and the other day I randomly got a nose bleed which I have never ever had in my life and have just had the constant feeling of fatigue. I am anemic and I've found recently that I cannot just carry on with my normal life, as much as I try to carry on and push myself it just makes me feel even worse in the end.

I always forget to put myself first because I love to please people and impress people which is a massive thing I've been trying to work on which is really difficult especially in the workplace. I say yes to doing too many things even though I know they'll have a negative impact on my health and also my mental state. And unless I can come up with a valid excuse in which someone will think is, I will force my self to go along with it like I'm a child doing what i'm told. This is something i really need to get out of the habit of doing. I have never ever been openly rebellious and do whatever I want which is why i think I do this. I am an adult and I do have a choice weather I want to do something or not. Of course I'm not going to be like fuck everything because I don't want to, your always not going to want to do something. But it's learning when enough is really enough and learning to let go and realise that it is doing more harm, than good to you.

Something I tend to do is ask myself if my mental state is more important or not, and if its causing me that much stress that I cant get past it. Something I love about my self is that I work so so hard. I put my all into my work whatever that may be and that's because I always want to do the best I can for myself. And I know when I can't do something anymore because instead of me doing something because I personally want to do well in it, it turns into i'm doing it because I feel like I have to, and I never ever want to live like that. I want to be happy in my day to day life which i think is better than constantly trying to strive for something and be miserable every day because of it. Of course I'm not saying that I will never have a bad day again, but I want to enjoy every day I have and wake up and look forward to the day ahead and not wishing it away.

What i'm trying to say is I'm taking a break from a lot of things at the moment. I just need that time again to look after my self. If you have been watching my vlogs, I basically haven't had any time to do even mundane things, let alone properly care for myself. The only way of describing it is that I feel soul-less, I feel like I have lost parts of myself that I love because I haven't been able to practice them. And whats the point of living a life where you don't live.I absolutely love my blog, I love working out and I love my fiancee and my family and not having this really has sucked the life out of me and it has made me ill, and i'm slowly but surely installing these back into my life. You've got to weigh up what is important in life.

#health #mentalhealth #investment