1 Month Until The Big Day

So I can't actually believe that the countdown is now in its 30's! How mad is that from 3 years ago when I first got engaged to now only having just over 5 weeks to go insane! The last week or so especially I've been feeling very very weird and not myself and I don't know if this was due to my period also making an appearance that added to the stress of it all. I do suffer from stress on a normal day to day basis anyway it's just something i do, overthink and stress about everything I possibly can. Over the last couple of weeks in particular I have been so busy to the point of all of my days off are filled with something and work has just been a complete nightmare as well. And don't get me wrong I absolutely love being busy but right now I feel like my mind could actually explode with everything that keeps going around in my head. Everything for the wedding, the hen party, the honeymoon, work, the house, food shopping, bills not forgetting people's bloody birthdays and fathers day that's coming up, thanks Dads Lol.

I knew I was going to hit a breaking point at some point because that always happens to me, because of my anemia and my IBS I am just a weak person there is only so much stress I can deal with before it pushes me over the edge. And this week has been that week I've come down with tonsillitis and literally on Sunday night had a breakdown because I am just not coping at the moment and it just doesn't matter what i do I just feel like everything's going to shit. It's funny because I bet if you ask people how they feel a month before their wedding I feel like it would be similar but know one tells you how hard it is to manage everything!

I mean even to be able to get a whole weekend off for my hen party i have to work 6 or 7 days in a row which is a whole other story lol! But its so hard and honestly everything is nearly done and I am so proud of myself that I've planned and organised a whole wedding by myself but omg i feel like I've been fucking hit by a bus now i'm just so exhausted and tired of it all. I guess these are the things that know one teaches you in life when you get older, like the fact that know one feels sorry for you when you get ill now because people think your lying. I guess i'm just fed up of proving myself to people all the time now and people who are suddenly getting in contact with me because my weddings coming up. I'm just sick of it and maybe this is more of a rant than a "I cant wait for the wedding" but its the truth and i swear this is emotionally the hardest part out of it all and I'll probably look back and think it wasn't as hard as i thought it was but I'm sure it'll be worth it either way.