Life Update/ Brain Fart 1st August 2017

Lately I've been feeling all sorts of ways and mostly overwhelmed. Absolutely everything has been getting on top of me at the moment and my heads all over the place. This year has been an uphill struggle right from the get go, and its been a real test. At this moment I've been working full time in a pub which I have loved and found so hard at the same time. In case you don't know I am anaemic which means I suffer from extreme tiredness and when I get tired I am literally exhausted. I've found that at the moment I feel so amazingly confident and happy in my own skin and have so much self love for myself, yet everything else around me seems to be crumbling around me.

I really need to get my shit back together and sort my life out because at the moment the only things i'm doing is 1 - working and 2- gym, and not going to lie its actually amazing that I'm still going to the gym, probably because it realises all my crazy emotions lol!

Mine and Kieran's relationship has really taken a step back recently, which I think everyone goes through difficulties in their relationships but no one wants to actually admit to, to keep up this "instagram appearance" 24/7. But honestly i'm gonna be real right now. Things have just been shit and that's that. We haven't' been seeing each other much at all which has really taken its toll and has caused us to drift apart. I'm not saying we're not together anymore because we are, but I'm saying that shit happens sometimes and you deal with it. So the part of getting my shit back together is trying to find ways of actually having that quality time and rebuilding the bond and the connection that we have together, which yes will be difficult with working so much, but nothing worth having is ever easy.

I haven't blogged and or Youtube in ages either which is something that I truly love, and when I feel lost like this, it gives me that release that I crave so so much which is why I am writing right now! For anyone who doesn't know I use to suffer from anxiety and depression and when I feel lost of panic parts of my old self start coming back and it scares me even more. I do have ways of dealing with it and this is one of them, that helps me so so much and also the gym is another. Having a sense of purpose for me is something I long for and crave for everyday and I find it so difficult if I'm lost and all over the place and I literally want to have a meltdown lol!

Routine is literally the hardest thing at the moment as I never have a clue when or what I'm working which always throws me off but it's something I really really need to grab a hold off. I'm going to try not to impact Kieran too much which my crazy schedule even though i know it will a bit anyway, but because he doesn't deserve to have to take it on either. And I want us to have the best of each other that we can, not the grumpy ones that have stayed up all day and night so that we can see each other for 40 minutes to then just go to bed, which has been happening a lot recently.

I know this may read like I'm just all over the place at the moment because I literally am lol! But I'm writing this to encourage myself to sort my shit out because i'm going to go mad if not lol. Thankyou for reading my brain fart if you have, if not it's defiantly taken a weight of my shoulders and blogging makes me so happy.

#life #update #2017 #August