I Guess that's why they call it the blues - Life Update

For the last couple of weeks i have felt very demotivated in life. If you might not know I've been struggling to find a new job for the last 3-4 months since finishing my A levels. I had a really had time trying to decided the right decision on weather to stay at college or try and find an apprenticeship in the area I wanted to go into. As many people keep telling me fashion is a very very hard industry to get into and I've been applying my but off but still getting nothing.

This experience is very new for me as I am a very proactive person. I need to feel like I have a purpose and i'm actually doing something to improve or work towards my life in someway and not having a structure or a goal in my day to day life has really thrown me off. I've been feeling so demotivated and down and I honestly don't know what's come over me because i'm not this person anymore. I've been through this and I've come out the other side, so why do I feel like i'm slipping back into depression again? I've been massively over thinking things which has resorted into panic attacks and really feeling alone which for the last two / three years I've very rarely felt. In fact I've really enjoyed my evenings on my own and days where my mum isn't in normally so why am I feeling like this? I need to be motivated and i need to feel focused on something in order to feel like my life's going somewhere and that might seem sad or whatever but that's honestly how I feel.

I am so blessed that I have the most amazing fiancee in the world. He really done so much to pull me out of this mood and he inspires me to always do whats right and be a better person for myself and for our relationship. When your in that place you can't see anything or what your doing or how your reacting. it's only when you step back and realise what you were like it makes you stronger to never get back to that place.The last few days I have really tired to make a conscious effort to do everything I can to better myself now.

I have now got an internship for a London Fashion and lifestyle magazine called "Trouge" writing articles. This couldn't be a better opportunity as you might know internships are not paid work they are strictly for experience purposes. So this internship is all done online which means I don't have to travel to London which is great because i really do not have the funds to get there everyday, especially if i'm going to be working for free, and also I have to write a minimum of two articles a week so my hours are as flexible as I want them to be. I started two days ago and honestly i'm so grateful for this opportunity as I really need something that's going to fill my days up and also something i'm actually interested in which is perfect.

I'm also going to go really hard at the gym and on my healthy eating and health in general. I really feel this is something i desperately need as i really am not the healthiest person and i think this is going to be something really good for me to be able to focus on something and hopefully also make me feel amazing. I'm really looking forward to this next stage of my life and really kicking life's ass! Thank you for reading!